The Email That Changed My Floortime Journey

A few days ago my good friend and mentor, Jake Greenspan and his giant dog, drove all the way to Texas to visit me and my family. It is always special when we all get to spend time together in person. Over the years our relationship has grown into something that means a lot to me and my family. Jake is my mentor, but more importantly he is my friend. Looking back now, it is remarkable to think that our working relationship almost never started.

Years ago I was deep in my training in DIR Floortime. I had read the books, taken the courses, and invested a lot of time and money trying to understand the model. But something was not translating for me. The sessions I was having with children did not feel like what I imagined when reading the work of Stanley Greenspan, the child psychiatrist who developed Floortime. The philosophy in the books was beautiful. It centered around relationships, development, and truly understanding the child. But when I tried to put what I had been taught into practice, I was not seeing the outcomes I expected.

Around that time I had heard about Dr. Greenspan’s son, Jake. What I could not understand was why he had his own organization separate from the Interdisciplinary Council on Development and Learning, which presents itself as the home of DIR Floortime. The whole situation confused me. If this was his father’s work, why was he teaching outside of that system? The more I thought about it, the more curious I became. Eventually I decided that if I really wanted the answers, I should probably just ask him myself.

So after one long day of therapy sessions that left me frustrated and feeling like I had failed, I sat down and wrote Jake an email. I poured out my frustration, explaining how after all the time and money I had invested, I still did not feel like I understood Floortime the way it was described in the books. At the bottom of the email I added my cell phone number. I remember thinking to myself that if this guy was legitimate, he would probably just pick up the phone and call me.

And that is exactly what he did.

From the moment we started talking there was an instant connection. I explained the struggles I was having and the outcomes I was seeing in my sessions. Within minutes he helped me understand why I was still feeling stuck. I remember thinking right away how sharp he was and how clearly he understood the work. I knew I wanted to learn from him. He asked me to send him a video of one of my therapy sessions so he could see what was happening. I did.

The next time we talked, he told me it was not Floortime. Did it hurt to hear that? Yes. But it also validated something I had been feeling for a long time. I knew that something was off in the way I had been taught, and hearing him confirm it made me feel seen.

He gave me a few pointers and told me to record another session with the same child and send it to him again. I was excited to try again. In that next session I felt more confident than ever. I walked away thinking I had finally gotten it right. Then I opened his annotations on the video.

There was one moment during the session where I was tickling the little girl I was working with. In the middle of the interaction, she initiated a completely new idea I completely missed it, and the interaction broke down because of it.

Jake’s annotation popped up on the screen and said, and I quote, “Ashley, WTF (excuse my language), she initiated a new idea and you completely ignored her! Isn’t the goal of all this for her to express her own ideas instead of just responding to one of your options or repeating something she has done before?”

I remember staring at the screen feeling completely taken back. I did not like being talked to like that.

I wrote him back and simply said, “You are right. I missed that.”

A few hours later my phone rang. It was Jake. He knew I was upset. He apologized for the intensity of the comment and I asked him directly, “Do you talk to other therapists this way or just me?”

He continued apologizing and explained that when he trained with his father he was very sharp and direct with him. That was how he had been trained and the way he had always taught others.

In true Ashley fashion I told him that I was a softer person and that approach was not going to work for me. To his credit, he listened. He agreed to tone it down and to be more attuned to how I needed to learn.

At the time I remember thinking that it was hard to imagine The Dr. Greenspan, the father of social and emotional development, being rigid and sharp with his own son. But I could hear the gentleness in Jake’s loud voice and knew there had to be some hurt there. Despite the rocky start, I told him I still wanted to keep working with him if he was willing to train me.

He said yes.

Since then, Jake has always been gentle with me as a teacher. We have only had one other argument over the years, but that is a story for another day. Jake deserves enormous credit for the way I understand regulation and developmental work today. He pushed me to notice the small moments in interactions that truly matter. He helped me see what I was missing. He has been an incredible mentor to me and an even better friend.

You might be wondering, like I was, what it was actually like growing up with Dr. Greenspan as your father and learning Floortime directly from him. Stay tuned. Jake and I will soon be having a conversation on my YouTube channel about his early life, his relationship with his father, and what it was really like learning Floortime from Dr. Greenspan.